Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

Archive for October, 2010

My Average Day Off

So its my day off, and I wake up like  I get dressed go outside and see my neighbor SO I’m like I go the park and when I get there I see this girl looking like  I thought it was a dream so I had to she wasnt though so I give her the ol so she was like and like but she had a man and he was all so I’m all like and he says he’s gonna do so I say So he tries to come at me on some   but I reversed it like and then gave him that

and the girl got all excited so her clothes were all

But a bunch of his boys tried to run up but I handled that like

and I hit them with a

so all them dudes were like

I stood over them like

and his girl was all like

so I took her back to the crib for some

but that girl was moving too fast so it was like

Nah it was more like

and

and finished with a
and she was asking if we could date but i was like

so I left him and his girl feeling like

and I got me some

So my day ended with me feeling like

TRUE STORY.


Verizon iPhone Coming in Early 2011

According to to Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg during an interview with Fortune, has confirmed the iPhone coming to Verizon in early 2011. Rejoice those who like their head firmly wedged as far up Jobs’ ass as possible.

Well who didn’t see this coming? AT&T has a massively over-strained network due to all the iPhones out there, then the white iPhone got pushed back again to due to manufacturing issues, and Verizon, clearly showing that they can handle data hogs, with the average Droid user using more data than the average iPhone user without the outages. Then it went from hot rumor to ridiculously obvious when Verizon announced they were selling iPads with a MiFi hotspot router recently.

So now we can all look like jackasses drinking iBeer...

Now since Verizon is a CDMA network, and since most of the world runs on some type of GSM or HSPDA, its most likely that the Verizon iPhone won’t be a world phone, and instead will be limited to the U.S. and parts of Canada and Mexico. For most people though this isn’t a problem, as people hate leaving the country, because the U.S. is #1, and other countries couldn’t possibly have anything to offer.

 

My Opinion: iPhones suck. Not to say they aren’t good for what they do, but I see them more as a limitation than a enhancement. See, I’m a techie kind of guy, which is code for, “I like to play with gadgets and brag to you how much cooler my ish is than yours.” So the iPhone is like the military. If you have no discipline and your life sucks, then yeah the military is good for you. If you don’t know shit about technology and need your tech simple, the iPhone is a godsend. However, those of us who like to be creative, like to make things their own, and understand technology, iPhones are a stepping stone to high-end Android phones, like the Droid X, the Droid 2, and the Droid Incredible.

Bullet point not mentioned: It's Also The Shit.

Perfect example: the iPhone JUST got wallpapers. Really? A shitty goPhone from 2006 had wallpapers. How are you JUST now getting them? You know why? Because Steve Jobs didn’t think you could handle it. It would be too complicated for you guys. Think about it. When your phone is so simple a 99-year old woman can pick it up and figure it out, your phone is pretty damn simple.

 

What can my phone do? Whatever the FUCK I want it to. I can have a video of me riding the back of a robot unicorn while firing a minigun and getting a blowjob from Angelina Jolie as a wallpaper if I so chose. That’s why my phone (Droid X) is the shit. Hey did you have a video you recorded and want to show people? No one wants to crowd around your small ass screen on that phone, and you can talk all day about your Retina Display, but you don’t even know what the hell that means. I can hook up my phone to an HDMI and we are watching videos in 720p. Run it. 8MP camera, so I can zoom in so close I can see a fly get a hard-on. Run it.

Dragonfly penis was the closest I can find...

So if you are on Verizon and you REALLY want an iPhone, you don’t have much longer to wait. For those of us who have more than 10 functioning brain cells, we will pass.


Not Every Black Person Loves Chicken

SHOCKER!

I have to tell y’all, I’m not a big fan of chicken. Now I know, I know, since I’m black, every time I see a bucket of fried chicken I am supposed to do this:

every black man when he eats chicken apparently...

 

Well I don’t. My love affair with fried chicken was always flaky (bad pun) and I really only ate it unless I had some honey and ketchup.  Eww, yes I know, that’s how I eat my food, combining strange ass condiments like a mad scientist. Around 2004-ish, I just didn’t have a taste for it anymore. I couldn’t tell you why, but I just don’t. The other thing is I don’t understand other black folks love affair with it or why fried chicken is only attributed to black people.

For example, KFC has a mascot, and his name is Colonel Sanders, an old ass white dude who look like he beat up slaves during the Civil War. Popeye’s is…well I don’t know what the hell Popeye’s is, but I’m going to make a ridiculous assumption that its Popeye the Sailor to prove my point here. Church’s Chicken, it’s just a damn chicken wing set behind a Reading Rainbow background that looked like some kid who lost every crayon but blue and yellow did. I could understand attributing fried chicken to black people if on the sign there was this guy:

I had to use it again...

It isn’t though, so what the hell is up with that shit?

Secondly, black people, we can like chicken that damn much. I mean, I have seen fights break out at local chicken places over a damn 3-piece. Hell, in Chicago we had a singing group called 3-piece. Now one of the dude goes around beauty shops singing to random chicks in hopes of one of them to pay his bills or buy one of his mixtapes.

Seriously, if you committed murder, would you confess in exchange for a bucket of chicken? No, of course not, that sounds ridiculous!

Exhibit A:

Yes, this shit happened...

The point is, not all black people love chicken. Well some people love it entirely too damn much, as evidenced by our growing obesity rate and damn near everyone in your family has some sort of diabetes, but seriously, that ish doesn’t apply to all of us.

Now eel on the other hand…

Japanese equivalent for chicken...


Music For Your Life – 1

This song by Lupe Fiasco “I’m Beaming” is off of his upcoming album Lasers. This song is, without a doubt, one of the best he has done that wasn’t on a mixtape. From the piano chords to the bassline to the lyrics, where he proclaims , “And baby girl where does it matter where your purse from/your hair done/your nails did/your ass fat/but you’re dumb”.

Classic song to stay in the rotation for a long long time.


White Boys Hate Their Balls

Now I’m not one for sweeping generalizations, but dammit someone will have to explain this ish to me:

White boys must hate their balls. Who in their right mind would WILLINGLY let another person hit them in the crotch? Now I understand (but I don’t) the sadness they must feel when their penis isn’t the King Kong of the land, especially when that last chick laughed when he dropped his pants and went back to that black guy who keeps cheating on her, but I’m saying: It’s not your penis’ fault, so why punish it so much?

It’s like they have never heard of cups. Maybe they are trying to ensure they are sterile so when that inevitable call from the Maury show comes from that one country chick you went to high school with and smashed with like 5 of your friends behind a barn that one time, you can rest assured that the kid isn’t yours. After all, you destroyed any hope of having kids by letting those same friends repeatedly strike your nuts with 8-balls.

You know, it makes me look at dudes who stand around holding the crotch all the time in a different light. Maybe that’s what these hood dudes are really afraid of the man doing: Locking them up in a cell while the guards throw random objects at their balls.

He forgot both his cups at home...

Maybe that’s the reason why when I am around more monochromatic company I want to hold my balls. It may be an instinct, a genetic remembering of past wrongs committed against the nuts of my ancestors, and seeing how they treat their own nuts. I mean, if you don’t respect your own balls to not let people hit you in them, how am I supposed to know you will respect mines?

Must have just come from a frat party...

So, white boys…stop hurting your balls…its not your fault that your balls are inadequate…just blame your mom for not going raw with that black dude she met at the grocery store when she was in college to “see what it felt like…” that might explain those dirty looks your mom gives your dad after all…

Your face after reading my nonsense...


Kanye West is NOT in the Illuminati…

OMG this is all the proof I need!!!

First off…these ghetto conspiracy theories are fuckin retarded. I went to Kanye West’s video for Power on youtube and damn near all the comments were:

“Kanye’s in the Illuminati!!!1!”

“Fuck the illuminati and the NWO!”

“Look at his chain! It’s Horus! Illuminati!!!1!”

If you co-sign or agree with this ish, you are an idiot. If you were to ask anyone who believe this BS, I bet that they heard it from someone else, or some comment some other dumbass negro said on WSHH or something, and never actually READ or KNOW anything about the Illuminati, which hasn’t existed since 1785.

That’s right, 1785.

“B-B-B-But, I saw that one movie with Tom Hanks where Jesus and Mary were fuckin and had a kid and the Church and the Illuminati were hiding it!”

Yeah, Dan Brown is a FICTION writer. The operative word being fuckin FICTION, as in not fucking real.

“Well, explain the chain. Who pays 300k for a chain and it’s not Illuminati-related. Plus it’s of Horus. HORUS dammit!”

First off: Do you even know who the fuck Horus is? Didn’t think so. It’s the black man they stole the story of Jesus from. Yeah, Jesus isn’t original. At ALL.

Secondly, what you mean to tell me, since a whole bunch of rich white people co-opted parts of ancient African history, its no longer African history?

Maybe Kanye, with his mom being a college professor and all, might have learned Egyptian history. I know, I know, while your mom was at the club shaking her ass and you were trying to see some titties on a scrambled Cinemax channel at 1 am, you didn’t get that opportunity to learn, but his mom gave a shit about his education. Kanye may be an arrogant douche, but dumb is one thing he isn’t.

This however, is hilarious...

“But what about the Freemasons and Bilderberg Group! They are secret organizations!!!”

Okay, first off, you can’t be a secret organization if EVERYONE knows you exist. That makes no fucking sense. Hell, when McDonald’s decides to come out with the McRib is a more guarded secret than the existence of those groups.

Secretly delicious...and out now for a limited time...

“But they have meetings and no one knows what they are talking about!”

Yep, so does every Fortune 500 company in their boardrooms. Does that make them secret organizations too? At least I can fill out an application to the Freemasons and join. I’m NEVER going to be allowed to sit in the boardroom at Viacom headquarters where they decide how to mislead niggas this month.

So yes, black people, white people, fuck it, all people, learn about what you are talking about before you speak on it. You sound stupid as shit. A little bit of logic and a lot of common sense goes a long way.

This is how i close all my arguments...


Shit That Makes Me Laugh, Part 1

This will be the first part of a multi-part series of “Shit That Makes Me Laugh”. If you are easily offended, well first I have to ask, “What the fuck are you doing here? Have you met me? Weren’t you warned before coming here that this site is nothing but an exercise in unbridled hedonism and ignorance?” But this shit here, this makes me laugh.

No caption could do this justice...

This shit makes me laugh from somewhere deep inside my soul. Like, you don’t understand. Maybe its the audacity, maybe it’s thinking about the woman on the other end and her reaction, especially if she is white, because she REALLY wouldn’t know how to react to that. Whatever it is, this pic gives my stomachaches of laughter.

Gotta love country folks. Always good for a laugh, until they start voting. That’s how you end up with George W. Bush.