Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

Archive for November, 2010

I’m Back: Music Monday Time!

Alright I had to dip for a bit due to health concerns and whatnot, but I’m back. Now being gone, I have decided to switch up Music Monday a bit. Everyone likes to do it and put up their favorite song at the time. Nah, d–n that. I’m here solely to mess with you, and that I shall. So here’s my choice for MM.

 

Did you watch it? Good, I hope you did. Now this s–t will be stuck in your head for at least 24 hours, and good luck getting it out. You ever wonder why this song

got stuck in your head easily? Same d–n beat.

 

But seriously, someone explain to me the Gypsy Woman video. Only about 10 seconds of the video has anything to do with the song. Why are the two dudes with dreadlocks even dancing? The song is about a homeless woman. That’s nothing to dance about. Except for the time I made a homeless dude dance to B2K for a dollar, but that’s a separate story.

Then the floating hands? WTF? That song is ridiculous. Know why it was popular? It wasn’t the video, unless everyone was high. It was that catchy a– beat.Now you are cursed with it running through your head at random moments.

 

You are welcome.


DWB: Dumb White B—s 11/18

First of all, I’d like to give special recognition to one Alex Dresdner who told me yesterday, and I’m quoting him, “Put me in a DWB, whatever it takes.”

 

Best quotes of the week:

“It’s so cool that South Dakota and North Dakota were just named that way. Like its weird how that just worked out.”

“I get that you can make water into ice by freezing it, and you can make water from ice by melting it, but like doesn’t that mean that the law of conservation of mass doesn’t work?”

“I saw this great youtube video about a guy who teaches people how to remember stuff really good. I totally forgot what it was called though…”

 

What he said.


Pull My Cart

I was debating the other day about the value of whores with a female friend, who thought it was disreputable and “gross” of me to want to get some from a girl I had previously made fun of for being stupid and slutty. I used this analogy in my argument:

Let’s say you need a horse to pull your cart from point A to point B. Do you choose the strongest horse or the horse that works on a farm and therefore has a reputation of pulling carts regularly?

Farmer Joe gets his cart pulled on a daily basis.

She said that my logic was flawed since, according to her, they would be one and the same. I disagreed, stating that the stronger horse would require lots of effort to tame and break in before you could coerce it to pull your cart while the whorse (clever combination of whore and horse) would have been previously broken in, only requiring you to saddle up and steer. However, when the work of taming the strong horse finally paid off, it would do a better job of pulling the cart than the whorse.

Saddle up!

How do I figure the strong horse will do a better job? Well, if the taming/training is done right, the strong horse will appreciate the value of the task and accomplish it in a dignified manner, while the whore will treat pulling the cart as a regular activity.

Classy lady

My friend told me that while she disliked my logic, she understood and respected it. I ended the conversation with:

“Look, I have my whole life to look for a strong horse, but right now I just want to get my cart pulled to the watering hole.”

-CRYM


DWB: Dumb White B—hes 2

This week, a girl showed me a project she made for her geometry class. Beside the fact that the assignment was literally a scavenger hunt for shapes in the real world (derp), she managed to make it extra stupid with comically misspelled words (one page contained a field for the teacher’s “signiture”) and randomly pasted glitter numbers. However, one feat of idiocy in particular shocked me.

This DWB had labeled a picture of a stop sign: hexagon. If this doesn’t immediately cause you to groan in disappointment, I must in my limited (aka nonexistent) authority urge you to repeat grades 2 through 6, possibly 7 and 8 for good measure. Ladies and gentlemen, a common United States standard issue stop sign has eight sides. A hexagon has six sides. These numbers are neither equal nor interchangeable, and the same goes for the geometric shapes they correspond to.

This is why I hate people

When I corrected her, she didn’t believe me until I showed her an actual stop sign outside at which point she counted the sides by hand. What a DWB.

 

For reference purposes only (and strange geometry fetish porn)

What’s even worse is that of the 10 people I surveyed, only of them could tell me on their first guess what shape a stop sign is. Get me out of here…


Totally Random Tuesday

Hey, internet! In honor of Totally Random Tuesday, here is a list of assorted good things.

Movie: Law Abiding Citizen

One of my all-time favorites. LAC is about a man named Clive Shelton who has his life destroyed by heinous criminals, is betrayed by his legal council, and proceeds to exact elaborate, crazy revenge on everyone involved. The above clip is just a taste of the theme of the film, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys things that are cool.

Music: KRS-One and Buckshot- Survival Skills (album)

Sweet collaboration project between original rap legend KRS-One and relative newcomer Buckshot, bringing back hip-hop from its shallow grave with real lyrics and an old-school flow.

Game: Professor Layton

Professor Layton 3: The Unwound Future

Despite the cover looking a bit like a game for autistic Japanese children, the Layton series is a must-play for any DS-owning fan of puzzles, brilliant storylines, foreign film-type music and hand-drawn art. There are currently three games available in the US (Curious Village, Diabolical Box, and Unwound Future), all of which are puzzle game masterpieces.

Hope y’all enjoyed this totally improvised, Totally Random Tuesday.


Music Mondays

You know, I was talking to a woman, and she says I come off as some type of neo-soul renaissance man. I thought about it, and I think it may have to deal with the music I listen to. So here, today, I got some songs that are always in my rotation.

Electric Relaxation. Classic. That’s all I can say.

The beat to this song goes so hard to me. It’s easily in one of my top 10 songs beat wise.

This song still goes hard to me. Point blank.


Religion: The Big (Smelly) One

Ever since the first human began to wonder “where does all this s–t come from?”, people have been turning to religion for answers to questions to which they cannot find a real answer. Thankfully, much has been discovered in the ways of science and the world has lost some of its mystery. However, not everyone is on the side of reason, and people continue to place their faith in God/gods/L. Ron Hubbard/an airborne Italian entree, so I’m here to set the record straight.

 

I respect all religions equally (i.e. not at all)

*Note: I will only be discussing Judeochristian fallacy (phallicy, more like) as I have limited experience with other cultures thanks to the fact that I live in a quarantine-type Jewish community.

Part 1: The Old Testament

Written by nomadic, pastural sheepf–kers in the desert over 2000 years ago, the Hebrew bible (Torah) remarkably maintains a steady audience even in America, a decidedly developed nation. Aside from teaching morals or whatever those hebes are telling parents nowadays, it is essentially a collection of stories about an omnipresent but intangible, invisible, and undetectable man (yes, man; he is referred to as a king several times) who tells people to do unreasonable things to prove they love him and upon refusal, smites the bastards. This kind of behavior is more suited to a psychotic girlfriend than a benevolent deity. For example, God tells Abraham to kill his son, Isaac. Why? To test his faith. Incredibly, Abraham, the O.G. of sheepf–kers, obliges. He takes the kid to the top of a mountain, and as he is about to slaughter him like a sacrificial lamb, God yells from the heavens, “WTF are you doing, man?! You thought I was serious?!! Yo, angels, look at this a–hole, he was gonna do it!” or some divine equivalent. Abraham then goes home and continues to worship the figure that speaks to him but that nobody else can hear and not even he can see. If you ask me, that sounds more like schizophrenia than a holy presence.

 

Your local rabbi on his day off

Stay tuned for more of my sinful thoughts as well as interpreted (i.e. ruined & trashed) bible stories next week. Shabbat Shalom, sheepf–kers!

-CRYM