Not Everyone Needs A Twitter
Some people just don’t need a Twitter. Or to be on Facebook, or pretty much any social media. Why? You are a fucking embarrassment. Seriously. You are not only an embarrassment to yourself, but to your family, friends, and pretty much anyone associated with you in any minute way. No one wants to constantly hear how much weed you smoke, nor do they want to hear how your baby daddy ain’t shit. I don’t care about who Kat Stacks got jumped by this time, or about Justin Beiber speeding away on a Segway from a group of pre-teen fat chicks. I don’t. Some things are better kept to your fucking self. For example:
Your Baby Daddy/Baby Mama
They weren’t shit when you met them. They weren’t shit when you were fucking them. They weren’t shit after the baby, and they aren’t shit now. We get it. But do you get that you are telling the world that you like ain’t shit people? You have just broadcasted to the whole world, “If you have nothing going for yourself, I will sleep with you.” Especially women. Women, some of yall are pretty good at hiding the fact that you ain’t shit, mainly because as soon as he might suspect you ain’t, its nothing like a great blowjob to chase that thought away. Dudes that ain’t shit, are easy to spot from a mile away. So when he first saw you and yelled “Ay yo! Girl in the jeans!” that should have been your first clue. When you met him he had more kids than jobs in his lifetime? Another clue. Plus remember the old saying, “Birds of a feather flock together.” Also, since he/she ain’t shit, you kid is half-ain’t shit, and is probably whole by the way you carry on online.
Going To Jail
So you just gonna get on the internet and tell everyone you are going to jail huh? You just gonna put yourself out there to tell everyone, “I ain’t shit” huh? That’s what’s hot on the streets now? If you are going to go to jail, and its for a short-term, around 2 weeks to a month, tell everyone that you are going on vacation or out the country. No need to plant the seed in everyone’s mind that you are going to be taking showers with men and might become Big Bubba’s bitch for the next few weeks.
Look, a shitload of people smoke weed. Believe me, it’s a lot. Not everyone talks about it openly for the world to see. You know why? It’s fucking illegal. If you haven’t noticed, out country, our states, and out local city governments are broke, and they are trying to come up with money any way that they can. The local police I assure you has an online presence, and if you think they are above looking at your twitter or Facebook and taking the pictures you posted of you smoking weed, and just arresting your ass, you are sadly mistaken. Oh and then they will take your weed, your money, and take pictures with it themselves and put it up on THEIR Facebook.
How Drunk You Are
Now, even my black ass is guilty of this, but I know I shouldn’t be doing it. If you haven’t noticed, people say and do dumb and random ass things when they are drunk, and people tend to not give a shit about the things they say on the internet, so these two things together are a recipe for disaster. Also, if your friends are assholes and they are drunk too, you definitely want to watch your ass as pictures of your throwing up on the toilet while taking a shit in some Uggs will show up on your news feed.
Keep this shit off my timeline and my news feed. Actually don’t. I need things to write about, so more material is always helpful. Just know, just because I’m friends with you or follow you, doesn’t mean I like you. Odds are I’m just doing it to laugh at your dumb ass.