Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

Archive for March, 2011

Thursday and Youtube: Well Damn…

So, I was going write out this whole long ass blog post about Facebook etiquette and dudes being thirsty on women’s walls and pictures, and even tagging them in gay ass bathroom model pics, but that shit can wait. I discovered what could possibly be the funniest song of all time, “Colonic” by Tony Roberts, and then this Nah Son! fuckery @starchildluke and @softjunebreeze sent me.

Shits are hilarious though.

Also, since I have tomorrow off, you may or may not get a blog post from me. I wouldn’t bet on it though. I’m lazy.

Any of my readers out there know of any other silly ass fuckery that I might enjoy?

Advertisements

Sit Your Hypersensitive Ass Down In The Corner

So, I had an argument on Twitter. Big surprise. Here’s the twist. I was called a sexist/misogynist/dude that hates black women at the end of it. Why? Because I said this:

I personally dont fuck with chicks that have weaves & lace fronts. Never met a smart chick with them so…

That’s what I said.

Now to my readers familiar with logic, what we have there is a conditional statement. The two conditions are:

A. They are rocking a weave or lace front.

B. I have met them in person. (i.e. been out with them in a social setting, conversed with them about various subjects, etc.)

If those 2 conditions are true, then I consider them not smart.

Not smart you say?

Yes, that’s what I said.

Now, maybe your definition of smart is the nigga that can add up how much of a tip to leave in their head just by looking at the bill, but my criteria is quite a bit higher, considering I’m a certified genius and all. I consider very few people that most think are smart as such. Smart is a subjective word, and is subject to the speaker and their frame of reference.

Then the lovely @MzTamz responded with this:

i think that is in poor taste and we are probably in a different social class. doesnt mean shes stupid.

Also, when the fuck did “not smart” turn into “dumb”? There is a HUGE grey area between the two.

apparently there is a hookah lounge there too.

Now on to the hypersensitive ass women that jumped on my back. Now women, and especially black women, I understand that it feels like sometimes the world hates you. Dudes don’t want to respond on dating sites to you, you get paid less for doing the same job as men, portrayed as the “Angry Black Woman” in media, all sorts of negative ish too numerous to mention in this article, and hell, deserves an article in itself. I understand this, I know this, but how is saying this:

“I don’t date women with weaves and lace fronts because all of the ones I have met have intelligence levels ranging from above average to dumb as hell, and I want a woman I consider smart.”

different from

“I personally dont fuck with chicks that have weaves & lace fronts. Never met a smart chick with them so…”

Absolutely nothing.

At all.

But I was told these statements, again from the beautiful @MzTamz:

I still disagree. I think ur language is off.

&

same with referring to women as hoes and what not. but we are not on the same page at all because it is demeaning. whether you mean it to be or not. thats how it is dangerous.

Same logical statement with the same conditions. The “problem” was with how I said it. Oh, so I’m supposed to protect the feelings of a whole bunch of people I have never met eh?

And when did I EVEN refer to all women as hoes? Oh wait, I didn’t.

SHUT MY SITE DOWN! AS I APPARENTLY CANNOT HAVE AN OPINION THAT OFFENDS OTHERS! IT’S A WRAP PEOPLE!

Get all the way the fuck out of here with that noise.

Then I made a tweet that said this:

Plus I call lace fronts “hoe helmets”. Call me elitist, whatever, but hoes and ratchets love em. Not my fault.

Hold on, but here’s the kicker. I was told this little gem by @MzTamz

NO i am saying that you referred to lace fronts as hoe helmets and that hoes and ratchets wear them. then you said ppl who wear them are not smart. This is not that difficult. YOU are the one being offensive.

Now check it. She never actually said what I was saying isn’t true, just that I was “offensive” for pointing out such things. Oh okay, so there was no real argument there except they wanted me to conform my language so that it was pleasing to them.

No what I would like? For the bank to conform their accounting practice to make more errors in my favor in my account. Guess what? Ain’t happening.

Then there was this exchange by myself and the ravishing @MzTamz

Stereotyping is never ok. but ok RT @theblackmurse: MzTamz –its not my fault for including you in a group that’s known for certain things.

REALLY?

REALLY?

REALLY SON?

Apparently son. I guess it’s cool though if she turns down any guy for any reason ever due to a choice he consciously made. I wasn’t choosing these women because they were black, or downing them because they were woman, but because of, now pay attention to this part, OF A CONSCIOUS CHOICE THEY MADE. It is perfectly okay to discriminate on those grounds. We all, both man and woman, adult and child, black and white, do this EVERY DAMN DAY. That’s why we don’t loan money to crackheads, why we don’t want to sit next to the really fat person if we don’t have to, why we give the white dude with the sheet, hood, and confederate flag belt buckle the O_o. It’s because of life experience has taught us this.

Life experience.

Which is personal and anecdotal.

Which she tried to tell me was wrong.

Do you honestly know what it would take to prove her case? She would have to know EVERY woman I have come into contact with since I have been dating, and considering she hasn’t met me in my life, I’m pretty sure that establishes her argument as bullshit.

Then when that failed, she (@MzTamz) jumped straight to the “YOU ARE A HATEFUL SEXIST” with these two remarks:

The point is that your language is harmful. I said it was dangerous cause I assumed you werent hateful. But you are

&

you are missing the point. you dont have to say “all women”

Her argument basically boiled down to “You say offensive things and don’t care, but you implied by talking about one subset of people who make a conscious choice aren’t smart, you are REALLY saying all human beings with a vagina are dumb.”

WTF.

If I thought that, I would have said it.

Plus, and here is a very important thing, if you are going to call someone a sexist, you want to at least make sure of this one thing:

THAT THEY DIDN’T WRITE A BLOG POST ABOUT HOW SEXISM IS FUCKED UP LESS THAN 2 HOURS AGO.

Just saying.

So please, don’t be the reactionary that plays the race card or the gender card without doing your due diligence on the person you are accused of talking about. It’s a bad look. It’s like the dude in the barber shop that proclaims “If the NBA gives the MVP to Kobe instead of Derrick Rose they are racist!” You aren’t really thinking your position through and only trying to discredit the other person through loaded and virulent language, not by actually arguing what they have to say.

Also what’s with all the faux concern about who I put my penis in? You can’t call me thirsty in one sentence while being concerned about the goings-on of my penis.

Finally, don’t do all that subtweeting with the lies and all that. “@ me or dap me” that’s what all the cool kids are saying now right? Do that. I also sincerely hope all of those women who think stereotyping is never ok give that guy with the face and neck tattoos and a rap sheet for domestic violence their number, because hey, you can’t make judgement calls off of life experience. 😉

But when it’s all said and done, I got love for all women, even the hotheaded and irrational ones. I feel your pain, but calm all that hypersensitive ish down. So if you still got beef or whatever, let it go, because guess what?

 

It’s just Twitter, folks.


Hood Sexism: Really Son?

Last week on Twitter this guy @MoeScoe was showing off this new t-shirt he designed to a lady, @secretaddy. The t-shirt was this:

There are all types of shit wrong with this, which the creator clearly didn’t see. His responses were even more comical Let me just show you some of the responses to the complaints about his shirt:

@secretaddy u are too tight relax damn, its just a metahpor, we dont actually drag girls like that, damn, its not u being dragged. relax

@secretaddy ok u taking this too far, just shut up. damn! have u consider that fact that some pple like to be handled that way??? lol

and

@secretaddy thus wats wrong with pple these days, just jump into conclusion, u went too far with this shit, disappointed in you.fuck!

You know, once upon a time, I used to wonder what exact women meant by misogyny, but this right here hits me as plain as day. What he failed to realize is that the shirt can be interpreted to advocate rape. Then it has the word “bully” in it. The definition of bully in the Merriam-Websters is:

–noun

1. 

a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habituallybadgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
2. 

Archaic . a man hired to do violence.
–verb (used with object)
6. 

to act the bully toward; intimidate; domineer.
So a “bedroom bully” is someone who intimidates and provokes fear inside the bedroom, and the image is of a man dragging a woman into a bedroom. That looks a lot like rape to me. Plus if that’s the FIRST interpretation that even a small percentage of your market comes away with, you may want to rethink your shirt. Unless of course, you plan on selling to to other ignorant ass niggas who also don’t know any better.
I think what really bothered me was this statement though:

@secretaddy u are too tight relax damn, its just a metahpor, we dont actually drag girls like that, damn, its not u being dragged. relax

He told her not to worry, because it wasn’t her being dragged.

Oh ok.

So women should be cool with other women being dragged into the bedroom and bullied into sex (remember: bullying implies its unwanted, because if its wanted, it ain’t bullying folks) as long as it ain’t them. Let’s take this logic further. You should be okay with gang violence and children getting shot in the street, as long as it ain’t your kids. Be cool with houses being burglarized, as long as it isn’t your house.

WTF.

Sexism like this has to stop. It’s ignorant, it’s abrasive, and it’s just plain dumb. When 1 in 6 women have been a victim of an attempted or completed rape, this kind of blatant “metaphor” shirt just speaks volumes of how little we take things seriously in the black community. It’s downright deplorable.

Let me know what you think in the comments.


Music Monday: March 28th, 2011

Jesse Boykins III | Prototype 3010, a short film from LightUp Film on Vimeo.

Look, I got a paper I have to write, so I’m just gonna drop this off here and tell you to enjoy. It’s a cover  of Andre 3K’s “Prototype” by Jesse Boykins III. It’s long, but soulful as hell, and the ending has a few surprises.

Also, I need my hair to get on that Jesse Boykins III status, for real.

Full featured post coming tomorrow.

EDIT: I found the mp3 out there for all of you, because I’m such a nice guy download by right-clicking and choose “Save As”.

Jesse Boykins III “Prototype 3010”


The War in Libya: GIF Edition

So Egypt had all these protests and the people told Mubarak

And then the people of Libya got the idea of freedom so they were like

But Ghaddafi didn’t think they were gonna do it because he was living like

But then they started actually attacking his places and he was like

Then when his army started defecting and taking weapons Ghaddafi was like

In the meantime America and Europe was all

Then the rebels started feeling themselves and Garfinelfunk was all like

And then started bombing the shit out of them and all the white folks were like

But gas started going up so Americans were all like

Since the rebels asked for our help and earlier we were all

We told them we were FINALLY coming to their aid so Gabootypopper was like

and then he was talking all types of ish about he this was gonna end up like

But then he agree to a ceasefire and we just was like

and bombed him anyways and enacted a no-fly zone and told him

TRUE STORY.


Arbitrary Phrases

Otherwise known as “More Cookie Cutter Rap by CRYM”. This verse is a satire of the various phrases used in rap that don’t actually mean anything and just serve as stock for simple similes. Enjoy, or don’t, it’s not like it took me any effort.

Arbitrary phrases rappers use to portray this

Lifestyle and make you get hype off the playlist

I’m on my grind like the bottom of a skateboard

Or some player in the club dancing with a fake whore

I get it in like Kobiyashi or a porn star

And you know I’m on point like thorns are

Sharper than a pencil about to take the ACT

So that means I’m the number two and all this paper waits for me

Shining like a thousand suns and it feels splendid

Chatting up Barbie not about to ask where Ken is

Skills tremendous, hip-hop looks horrendous

I’m taking crowns off like the dentist

I ate nine of your top ten like the number seven

The last real man alive but I am not legend

I’m the truth, keep it one hundred like a fucking century

This is number 21 so down a shot of Hennessey

I go harder than diamonds and at least twice as valuable

Trying to get jacked son like L, Samuel

World renouned like another person place or thing

I hear the bees buzzing but I can’t feel the sting

Following you backwards, didnt know that I could sing

You are just a court jester, come and entertain the king

So sick they quarantine me like a leper colony

So I made them the subject of this tragic comedy

It’s ironic, those who rap about the mafia are wack

I declare war on stars and strike the empire back

Not a freshman in this game, I reek of subsophomority

Iller than a whole hospital wing, call and orderly

You claim to be the shit, Ill stuff your body in a bedpan

And my IQ is higher than Method Man and Redman

Your flow is sweet and dry like a stale pack of raisins

Where would rap be without arbitrary phrases


Are You Prepared For Zombies? Zombie Rules For Life

Be prepared bitches

Are you ready? This shit could happen. Why? Because I just had a dream about it. Not the kind of Rambo-esque type dream where I was mowing down zombies left and right though. I actually only shot 2 zombies. Technically I shot someone while they were still human, but they were really close to turning and like 2 minutes later they jumped up as a zombie and I shot them again. Then I also threatened this guy to paint the walls with his brains if he ever threatened me again, because he was all mad I shot that chick early and the resulting noise attracted more zombies. Okay so I shot more than 2, like 8.

Still though, most of the dream was about dealing with the breakdown of society and how people reformed into tribal groups and their survival mentality led to some strange happenings. Like the strip club/chicken place called Breasts & Wings (greatest idea BTW, and if you steal it I will kill you), where this dude saved the strippers and opened raises chickens in the back of the place. Then the gun store was run by some Indian dude who didn’t like violence. Then there were the gang of Haitians who thought I was Puerto Rican…and then subsequently tried to kill me. It was all weird, but it let me know quite a few things:

1. Talking about zombies enough will lead to having a dream about one, count on it.


2. Find some guns as soon as things start off with the zombie apocalypse. Makes things easier later on down the road.

Have lots of ammo and spare magazines for said guns and actually know how to use them. You don’t want to try to figure out how a gun works when a zombie is 5 feet away from biting your face off. Also reminded: aim for the head. That should probably be its separate point but always aim for the head, regardless of whether you are using a gun, a sledgehammer, meat cleaver, dildo, doesn’t matter. Well actually I would be a tad bit concerned if you were trying to fight off zombies with a dildo, but hey, different strokes for different folks.

His aim is off.

 

3. Don’t be the last one to hit up a grocery store.

I would actually advise looting a grocery store first. After all, you can’t eat bullets for dinner. All the non-perishables WILL be gone in the first 48 hours, count on it. So I would advise you to a) if shit hasn’t gotten real yet but you know its about to, calmly buy up all the canned food and dog food you can or b)if shit just got real as fuck, back up a damn SUV right through the front door and raid that hell out of the store.

Their bags are too small.

4. Water. Make sure you have it, or live close enough to a large body of fresh water. Dehydration is not the way you want to go out.

I don’t think I could possibly stress this enough. Remember the rule of 4. You can only go 4 minutes without air, 4 days without water, and 4 weeks without food before you die. Have water, When you hit the grocery store a metric fuckton of bottled water should be on that list, along with filling every container that can be reasonably sealed in your house with water. I don’t possibly think I could stress exactly how essential water is to…everything. Have it.

Don't let this be you.

5. Ladies: If you are good-looking, you are going to want to attach yourself to a man who has plenty of survival skills and can assure you live for a long time, that’s all you need to do, because believe me, that negro with the new jordans won’t make it a week. Ugly chicks, I suggest you learn some survival skills or be amazing at pleasing a man or something, because you might be ass out.

I help her, and she damn sure better help me.

Call me an asshole, call me a cynic, but during an apocalypse, you are out for your own self-interest, which means you are basically using people. It’s only a problem when you are trying to use someone when you provide no tangible benefit to the other person. Hot chick, she allows a man to have sex and possibly procreate with a hot chick. It’s as basic as genetics. Fat chick, ugly chicks; you better have some survival skills or something, because for a man trying to survive, you really don’t serve a purpose to him. You better know how to rebuild transmissions or make solar panels out of aluminum foil, duct tape, floss, and an old 50 Cent cd, because that’s the only way they are going to want to keep you around. Conversely, hot chicks, you might want to keep that prude shit pre-apocalypse, because your dream guy is now stumbling around as a walking corpse with half his face eaten off. I keep you alive, you need to be more than willing to drop it like it’s hot.

6. Fat people, lose weight. Being able to run isn’t an option. Zombies don’t get tired.

They really don't.

A good 30-something percent of Americans are fat and out of shape. That’s real. Of course you are thinking “Well, that means 1/3rd of the zombies will be too fat to catch me anyways!” Yeah, that would be true, except for a couple things. One, chances are their fat WILL burn off from the fact that they never sleep and are always moving around. Secondly, because they don’t get tired. Your fat ass will get winded after a block, but that fat zombie can keep running until their body literally falls apart mid-stride. So yeah, get in shape, learn how to climb shit, get your upper-body strength up, and watch a couple parkour videos. It could save your life.

7. Know how to siphon gas. Good skill especially if you have to use transportation to get away from an area that is now uninhabitable.

Professional grade thievery.

Seriously, you will need to know this in order to take what little bit of refined gas will be left. Know how to pull gas out of abandoned cars, underground gas station pumps, all sources. Know how to run a pump too, as that could make the process a lot easier, especially when dealing with gas stations. The last thing you want to do is be trapped in an area that was once pretty peaceful but now contains a clusterfuck of zombies.

8. Never join a group of people based on race or ethnic background alone.

You would think this would be common sense, but a lot of you people out there in the world as dumb as shit. You join groups based on skillset and benefit or if they are CLOSE friends. Why would you want to be in a group where likely the only thing keeping you from turning on each other is, “oh all are the same skin color,” or “but we all speak the same dialect of <insert language>”. Guess what, that won’t keep a person from getting on some unplanned bullshit. Now if the reasons are “man that guy can hunt his ass off,” or “He taught me how to use <insert weapon> effectively,” its a much better chance of cohesion and way more likely to defuse potentially volatile conflicts.

9. Keep your friends close, and your enemies far far FAR away from you, or kill them outright.

Yep. Think about it. your emotions during a time of unimaginable stress and conflict all become magnified, so people who just mildly disliked you now hate you, and those who couldn’t stand you are likely to want to walk around with you head on a mop handle and prop that shit up in the front lawn. Avoid them whenever possible, because the most likely conflict will come is when they see you do ANYTHING that isn’t dying. If you are doing ANYTHING that is in some way positive, they will develop a jealousy that you have never seen. Now, if avoiding them isn’t an option and you KNOW that this person will be a problem for you, whether they are living or undead, and ONLY if society has already completely broken down, take their ass out. No one is going to arrest you, and better to get the jump on them then they get it on you. Sounds fucked up, I know, but I rather not be the one on the business end of a gun over the fact that they hate me because I yell at their ass for fucking up my order all the time at McDonalds.

10. Fishing. Cooking. Hunting. Know them well.

Hot chicks, meet your future husband.

If you don’t know how to fish or hunt then chances are you will be jolly well fucked. If you are a hot chick, well you will still be fucked, but not exactly in the way anyone not in your category would be. These are the skills that will keep you alive long after the zombies are gone. Society will take a LONG fucking time to rebuild itself. A good 10 years at LEAST. Plus add in all the bureaucratic nonsense with people wanting to exert power and establishing laws again and  religion and all sorts of other immature hangups people have that will impede the progress of humanity. Word to the wise: If you have a nice group or community you have that works. Stick with it. Don’t be in a rush to return to society at large, because it will, basing off the past of human society, it will be a clusterfuck. Bet on it.

Well, these are rules to survival. I’m sure I have a few more, but I wanted to give them to all of you while they were fresh in my mind. Remember these things, because they may save your life. Oh, and don’t come looking for me, I may or may not have gone insane and may or may not shoot you on sight.

I may.

Unless you are a hottie.