Now, you might think I’m about to start telling women how to cook., but I’m not. Lord knows some of you need to learn in 2011 with all this “eating out” shit and then expecting my black ass to pay for it, but nah, this is about men cooking for women. Now some of you dudes out there ain’t going, for one reason or another, be it because your wack ass moms didn’t teach you because she was too busy shaking her ass at the club and left you at home with a box of Hot Pockets, or you are saving that shit for marriage or until unless she is doing anal, whatever. Point is, cooking is the shit, it’s easy, and if you haven’t hit it yet, it boosts your chances of it by at least 50%. Women love that shit, and I’m gonna tell you why.
1. Women love a free meal.
They do. They really do. You will be hard-pressed to find a woman bored on a Friday night that is going to turn down a free meal from a man, regardless on whether she is interested in fucking him tonight, tomorrow, or ever. That disfigured munchkin from 300 can walk into a room of single ladies and say, “Dinner at Red Lobster, my treat!” and damn near every woman in there will be down to go. Why? Because that’s one less meal they have to pay for, and they can take that money and add it to the shoe/club/birth control fund. Also they get taken out, get to dress up and look pretty, and if they are going out with a guy they aren’t interested in, it gives them a chance to scope out other dudes to talk to.
2. Women Like Being Catered To
Women love it when a man rubs their feet, massages their back, and generally does anything that they usually had to do for a man. She’s tired of having to rub the back of some unemployed dude who says, “he had a long day,” when all he did was sit up at his boy’s house playing Madden 11. She wants someone to do for her, and cooking is a easy way to do that, because you aren’t just doing for her, your ass gets to eat too. But she doesn’t see it that way. She sees it as purely done for her.
3. It’s Cheap
Now if you are one of those dudes who think that taking a chick to get a Value Meal at McDonalds counts as a special night, then this isn’t for you in the first place. We don’t cook for hoodrats, sir. Now for the men who like taking them out to places where the bill will be $30 and up, this is for you. Now why spend all that money at Red Lobster for cheddar biscuits when you can make them at home for 1/5th the price? Plus, a bedroom shouldn’t be far, so if things are going really well, she doesn’t have time to think things over about whether she wants to sleep with you.
Men, start cooking for these women, and even throw in a foot massage for extra credit as long as her feet don’t look like eagle talons. That’s definitely a proper way to seal a deal.