Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

Funny Ish

My Internet Travels: Comedy and Comics

The Oatmeal – theoatmeal.com

Let me tell you, this is a new discovery by me, but this guy’s site is HILARIOUS as shit. He uses his artistic style to tell you what would normally be in a bllog post, has a book, and his more hilarious comics can even be ordered as a poster. Check his site out, and its SFW, so go ahead and die of laughter during lunch break.

Epic Meal Time – epicmealtime.com

First off, I like bacon. These dudes LOVE bacon. As in, they built a scale model building out of bacon. They fucking LOVE bacon. They are a bunch of Canadian cooks that make the most random meals, and they are epic as hell. The host, hilarious as shit. I mean, this dude has no script and I can’t even describe the tears I have weeped in laughter. The Food Network should seriously pick this show up.

Stop it B!

Felonious Munk is a comedian who rocks shows up and down the eastern seaboard, and makes the realest videos out there. Nothing better than something that makes you laugh and think at the same time. Catch his tweets at @felonious_munk


Let’s Play A Game: Olde English Translations

Alright, so if you have read this site for any measure of time, I love internet memes and random ass GIF files that make me laugh. My favorite one right now though is this guy, Joseph Ducreux.

First off, this picture is hilarious as fuck without captions. Its at least 5000 niggas posing like this in pictures at the club every night, so to show that dudes was doing it in portraits 300 years ago makes it 100 times funnier. Now let’s introduce some memes based on this picture. Thanks to Meme Generator I can put my own captions. Let’s start with mines, shall we?

I think I’m pretty goddamn hilarious.

But lets play a game. I’m going to throw up a shitload of these and I want you to see how many of these you can guess what song or the original phrase this is from.

GAME ON.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5. 

6. 

ENJOY.


Rebecca Black- Harbinger of the Culturepocalypse

Now before you all roll your eyes at the sight of yet another unimportant member of the general public expressing rage toward an 8th grade girl who became famous singing about a certain day of the week I have come to dread, allow me to assure you, I’m better than the others. That being said, I’d like to take this time to break down the toxic, corrosive presence embodied in talentless teen Rebecca Black.

Oh, she'll be "kickin" all right

Referring to the title, I truly believe we may be facing the end of American popular culture as a whole. Now it’s not Black’s fault completely. Justin Bieber, Twilight, Soulja Boy and the last decade of Disney productions (namely Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers and other subhumans manufactured by the profit-and-youth-consuming legacy of Walt’s frozen head) did most of the leg work. Consider Rebecca Black the straw that broke the camel’s back. But instead of a camel, it’s my shreds of hope for humanity and instead of a straw, it’s a Rebecca Black sandwich with sparkly, auto-tuned camel shit for bread. You see, America’s standard of quality that media needs meet in order to achieve popularity has plummeted, making so people like Bieber and Black can have millions of plays on YouTube in a week and Michael Bay’s Transformers are taken seriously as works of cinema.

In other words, it seems as though to be enormously popular, a piece of media must be:

1) Completely devoid of balls. Disney creations and Rebecca Black are no-brainers for this criterion, while films like Hop and Diary of a Wimpy Kid and shows like iCarly and whatever’s on Cartoon Network nowadays (I can’t risk actually checking or i may slip into a blind, tv-destroying fury followed by a deep depression) might have slid under your sacklessness radar riding on the “kontent 4 kidz!!!” excuse. But even this children’s programming has fewer bpm (balls per minute) than their counterparts of yesteryear. Consider Hey Arnold. That show was real as all fuck- bunch of misfit kids in Brooklyn, some minority tensions, muggers, real shit. Now look what Nickelodeon’s become:

Horrifying.

2) Superbly annoying. There’s just something about Rebecca Black and her culture-killing comrades that makes level-headed persons universally and unanimously want to slap both their individual shits and collective shit. It’s that voice that sounds like a frustrated cow trying desperately to untie her udders after a group of local boys decided to practice sailing knots on nearby cattle. It’s her utter (not intentional) inability to write lyrics beyond the scope of her archetypical pre-weekend experiences, the sequence in which days go, and the relatable societal concern of seat-based indecision. Meanwhile lyricists starve and get single digit playcounts on Soundcloud (speaking of which, http://soundcloud.com/crym/sets/off-the-spectrum). I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell do not need lessons on the order of days from some chick who probably got her first period the week before recording that song.

Inability to choose a seat- latest updated symptom of autism?

That’s about all I can handle for now without developing a rage-induced ulcer, but I’ll be back with more rants and laments toward the current state of popular culture. Maybe I’ll make it a regular thing, who knows. Stay classy, fam (I’m allowed to say “fam”, right?).

-CRYM

P.S. I’d like to add that the ARK Music Factory is indeed a factory in every sense of the word, except that only white people work in it. Still, the label contains ghoulish incarnations of Upton Sinclair’s nightmares all the same.


Thursday and Youtube: Well Damn…

So, I was going write out this whole long ass blog post about Facebook etiquette and dudes being thirsty on women’s walls and pictures, and even tagging them in gay ass bathroom model pics, but that shit can wait. I discovered what could possibly be the funniest song of all time, “Colonic” by Tony Roberts, and then this Nah Son! fuckery @starchildluke and @softjunebreeze sent me.

Shits are hilarious though.

Also, since I have tomorrow off, you may or may not get a blog post from me. I wouldn’t bet on it though. I’m lazy.

Any of my readers out there know of any other silly ass fuckery that I might enjoy?


The War in Libya: GIF Edition

So Egypt had all these protests and the people told Mubarak

And then the people of Libya got the idea of freedom so they were like

But Ghaddafi didn’t think they were gonna do it because he was living like

But then they started actually attacking his places and he was like

Then when his army started defecting and taking weapons Ghaddafi was like

In the meantime America and Europe was all

Then the rebels started feeling themselves and Garfinelfunk was all like

And then started bombing the shit out of them and all the white folks were like

But gas started going up so Americans were all like

Since the rebels asked for our help and earlier we were all

We told them we were FINALLY coming to their aid so Gabootypopper was like

and then he was talking all types of ish about he this was gonna end up like

But then he agree to a ceasefire and we just was like

and bombed him anyways and enacted a no-fly zone and told him

TRUE STORY.


Arbitrary Phrases

Otherwise known as “More Cookie Cutter Rap by CRYM”. This verse is a satire of the various phrases used in rap that don’t actually mean anything and just serve as stock for simple similes. Enjoy, or don’t, it’s not like it took me any effort.

Arbitrary phrases rappers use to portray this

Lifestyle and make you get hype off the playlist

I’m on my grind like the bottom of a skateboard

Or some player in the club dancing with a fake whore

I get it in like Kobiyashi or a porn star

And you know I’m on point like thorns are

Sharper than a pencil about to take the ACT

So that means I’m the number two and all this paper waits for me

Shining like a thousand suns and it feels splendid

Chatting up Barbie not about to ask where Ken is

Skills tremendous, hip-hop looks horrendous

I’m taking crowns off like the dentist

I ate nine of your top ten like the number seven

The last real man alive but I am not legend

I’m the truth, keep it one hundred like a fucking century

This is number 21 so down a shot of Hennessey

I go harder than diamonds and at least twice as valuable

Trying to get jacked son like L, Samuel

World renouned like another person place or thing

I hear the bees buzzing but I can’t feel the sting

Following you backwards, didnt know that I could sing

You are just a court jester, come and entertain the king

So sick they quarantine me like a leper colony

So I made them the subject of this tragic comedy

It’s ironic, those who rap about the mafia are wack

I declare war on stars and strike the empire back

Not a freshman in this game, I reek of subsophomority

Iller than a whole hospital wing, call and orderly

You claim to be the shit, Ill stuff your body in a bedpan

And my IQ is higher than Method Man and Redman

Your flow is sweet and dry like a stale pack of raisins

Where would rap be without arbitrary phrases


Terrible Tuesday: Ginuwine Edition

Ever seen people dance badly to Ginuwine’s sing “Pony”? Ever seen a supermix of it? Well, if not, ummm…here you go.

Enjoy.

Also random pictures that make me laugh.

GO!