Now before you all roll your eyes at the sight of yet another unimportant member of the general public expressing rage toward an 8th grade girl who became famous singing about a certain day of the week I have come to dread, allow me to assure you, I’m better than the others. That being said, I’d like to take this time to break down the toxic, corrosive presence embodied in talentless teen Rebecca Black.
Referring to the title, I truly believe we may be facing the end of American popular culture as a whole. Now it’s not Black’s fault completely. Justin Bieber, Twilight, Soulja Boy and the last decade of Disney productions (namely Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers and other subhumans manufactured by the profit-and-youth-consuming legacy of Walt’s frozen head) did most of the leg work. Consider Rebecca Black the straw that broke the camel’s back. But instead of a camel, it’s my shreds of hope for humanity and instead of a straw, it’s a Rebecca Black sandwich with sparkly, auto-tuned camel shit for bread. You see, America’s standard of quality that media needs meet in order to achieve popularity has plummeted, making so people like Bieber and Black can have millions of plays on YouTube in a week and Michael Bay’s Transformers are taken seriously as works of cinema.
In other words, it seems as though to be enormously popular, a piece of media must be:
1) Completely devoid of balls. Disney creations and Rebecca Black are no-brainers for this criterion, while films like Hop and Diary of a Wimpy Kid and shows like iCarly and whatever’s on Cartoon Network nowadays (I can’t risk actually checking or i may slip into a blind, tv-destroying fury followed by a deep depression) might have slid under your sacklessness radar riding on the “kontent 4 kidz!!!” excuse. But even this children’s programming has fewer bpm (balls per minute) than their counterparts of yesteryear. Consider Hey Arnold. That show was real as all fuck- bunch of misfit kids in Brooklyn, some minority tensions, muggers, real shit. Now look what Nickelodeon’s become:
2) Superbly annoying. There’s just something about Rebecca Black and her culture-killing comrades that makes level-headed persons universally and unanimously want to slap both their individual shits and collective shit. It’s that voice that sounds like a frustrated cow trying desperately to untie her udders after a group of local boys decided to practice sailing knots on nearby cattle. It’s her utter (not intentional) inability to write lyrics beyond the scope of her archetypical pre-weekend experiences, the sequence in which days go, and the relatable societal concern of seat-based indecision. Meanwhile lyricists starve and get single digit playcounts on Soundcloud (speaking of which, http://soundcloud.com/crym/sets/off-the-spectrum). I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell do not need lessons on the order of days from some chick who probably got her first period the week before recording that song.
That’s about all I can handle for now without developing a rage-induced ulcer, but I’ll be back with more rants and laments toward the current state of popular culture. Maybe I’ll make it a regular thing, who knows. Stay classy, fam (I’m allowed to say “fam”, right?).
P.S. I’d like to add that the ARK Music Factory is indeed a factory in every sense of the word, except that only white people work in it. Still, the label contains ghoulish incarnations of Upton Sinclair’s nightmares all the same.
Look, I got a paper I have to write, so I’m just gonna drop this off here and tell you to enjoy. It’s a cover of Andre 3K’s “Prototype” by Jesse Boykins III. It’s long, but soulful as hell, and the ending has a few surprises.
Also, I need my hair to get on that Jesse Boykins III status, for real.
Full featured post coming tomorrow.
EDIT: I found the mp3 out there for all of you, because I’m such a nice guy download by right-clicking and choose “Save As”.
Otherwise known as “More Cookie Cutter Rap by CRYM”. This verse is a satire of the various phrases used in rap that don’t actually mean anything and just serve as stock for simple similes. Enjoy, or don’t, it’s not like it took me any effort.
Arbitrary phrases rappers use to portray this
Lifestyle and make you get hype off the playlist
I’m on my grind like the bottom of a skateboard
Or some player in the club dancing with a fake whore
I get it in like Kobiyashi or a porn star
And you know I’m on point like thorns are
Sharper than a pencil about to take the ACT
So that means I’m the number two and all this paper waits for me
Shining like a thousand suns and it feels splendid
Chatting up Barbie not about to ask where Ken is
Skills tremendous, hip-hop looks horrendous
I’m taking crowns off like the dentist
I ate nine of your top ten like the number seven
The last real man alive but I am not legend
I’m the truth, keep it one hundred like a fucking century
This is number 21 so down a shot of Hennessey
I go harder than diamonds and at least twice as valuable
Trying to get jacked son like L, Samuel
World renouned like another person place or thing
I hear the bees buzzing but I can’t feel the sting
Following you backwards, didnt know that I could sing
You are just a court jester, come and entertain the king
So sick they quarantine me like a leper colony
So I made them the subject of this tragic comedy
It’s ironic, those who rap about the mafia are wack
I declare war on stars and strike the empire back
Not a freshman in this game, I reek of subsophomority
Iller than a whole hospital wing, call and orderly
You claim to be the shit, Ill stuff your body in a bedpan
And my IQ is higher than Method Man and Redman
Your flow is sweet and dry like a stale pack of raisins
Where would rap be without arbitrary phrases
Well since I missed last Music Monday, I decided to go with a super-long mix this week, and this week brings us Jose James, a jazz artist introduced to me , as usual, by @softjunebreeze (seriously though, she puts me on to almost everything I listen to nowadays). This mix is a zone-out classic. The songs on here range from love songs, to upbeat clean-the-kitchen joints, to joint joints. He does a lot of songs with other artists as well, with singing on pretty much all of them. Prepare to open up a jazz club in your ears people.
Tracklist and download link below.
01. Little Bird feat. José James – Jazzanova – Of All The Things
02. Autumn in New York – José James & Jef Neve – For all we know
03. Winterwind – José James – The Dreamer
04. I Don’t Know Why (I Just Do) feat. José James – Chico Hamilton – Twelve Tones of Love
05. My Favorite Thing– José James & Jef Neve – Facing East : The Music of John Coltrane (recorded live)
06. Equinox – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
07. Love Conversation feat. Jordana de Lovely – José James – Blackmagic
08. Evidence of Existence – José James – Blackmagic
09. Night in Tunisia – Toshio Maatsura feat. José James – Blue Note Street
10. Promise In Love feat. José James – DJ Mitsu The Beats – A Word To The Wise
11. L.O.V.E.J.A.M. feat. José James – J.A.M. – Just Another Mind
12. Like Leaves in the Wind – Nicola Conte – Rituals
13. Ya Dig feat José James 1 – Timo Lassy – Timo Lassy
14. Jazzy Joint feat. José James – J.A.M. – Just A Maestro
15. All or Nothing at All feat. José James – Nicola Conte Jazz Combo – The Modern Soul of Nicola Conte
16. Moanin’ – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
17. The Dreamer – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
18. Awakening feat José James – Nicola Conte – Rituals
19. Lush Life – José James & Jef Neve – For all we know
20. Lazy Afternoon feat. José James – Chico Hamilton – Twelve Tones of Love
21. Lay You Down – José James – Blackmagic
22. Kings & Queens feat. José James – Yellowtail – Grand & Putnam
23. Electromagnetic feat. Ben Westbeech and TK Wonder – José James – Blackmagic (Japan)
24. José James Interview – Lexis – MIMS
25. Visions of Violet – José James – Park bench people EP
26. Gimme Somethin’ True feat. José James – Basement Jaxx – Scars
right-click to download here
Shoutout to @softjunebreeze for putting me on to Stalley, from Brooklyn by way of Ohio. He’s like Curren$y, except for more cars and no weed. His production is outstanding, especially on SLAP and 330. Definitely a download for real, and you can’t beat $free.99 so, get it. We could def use more support for artists that aren’t crappy.
This is a Roy Ayers mixtape of the highest order. Me describing it wouldn’t do it justice, so I’m just going to give you the tracklist and the download link, so right-click to download.
Roy Ayers Tracklist
1. We Live In Brooklyn
2. Pretty Brown Skin
3. Red Black & Green
4. Giving Love
5. Show Us A Feeling
6. Everytime I See You
7. Love Fantasy
8. The Boogie Back
9. Life Is Just A Moment Part 1
10. Running Away
11. Heat Of The Beat
12. Don’t Stop That Feeling
13. Fire Up The Funk
14. I Wanna Feel It (I Wanna Dance)
18. Slow Motion
19. Love Is Love
20. Everybody Loves The Sunshine
Welp, softjunebreeze poisoned my mind with this video last night, so I feel its only right to share it with the rest of the populace. It’s directed by Eric from Tim and Eric Awesome Show that used to come on Adult Swim, so you can just imagine the fuckery that is going to happen in this video. Actually, you can’t. You really can’t.
Also download this 757 mixtape, bring you the best of the 757 in Virginia, like Missy, the Neptunes, Aaliyah, Timbaland, and others. It goes hard. I’ve been bumping this all damn day. Link and direct download after the back cover.