Now before you all roll your eyes at the sight of yet another unimportant member of the general public expressing rage toward an 8th grade girl who became famous singing about a certain day of the week I have come to dread, allow me to assure you, I’m better than the others. That being said, I’d like to take this time to break down the toxic, corrosive presence embodied in talentless teen Rebecca Black.
Referring to the title, I truly believe we may be facing the end of American popular culture as a whole. Now it’s not Black’s fault completely. Justin Bieber, Twilight, Soulja Boy and the last decade of Disney productions (namely Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers and other subhumans manufactured by the profit-and-youth-consuming legacy of Walt’s frozen head) did most of the leg work. Consider Rebecca Black the straw that broke the camel’s back. But instead of a camel, it’s my shreds of hope for humanity and instead of a straw, it’s a Rebecca Black sandwich with sparkly, auto-tuned camel shit for bread. You see, America’s standard of quality that media needs meet in order to achieve popularity has plummeted, making so people like Bieber and Black can have millions of plays on YouTube in a week and Michael Bay’s Transformers are taken seriously as works of cinema.
In other words, it seems as though to be enormously popular, a piece of media must be:
1) Completely devoid of balls. Disney creations and Rebecca Black are no-brainers for this criterion, while films like Hop and Diary of a Wimpy Kid and shows like iCarly and whatever’s on Cartoon Network nowadays (I can’t risk actually checking or i may slip into a blind, tv-destroying fury followed by a deep depression) might have slid under your sacklessness radar riding on the “kontent 4 kidz!!!” excuse. But even this children’s programming has fewer bpm (balls per minute) than their counterparts of yesteryear. Consider Hey Arnold. That show was real as all fuck- bunch of misfit kids in Brooklyn, some minority tensions, muggers, real shit. Now look what Nickelodeon’s become:
2) Superbly annoying. There’s just something about Rebecca Black and her culture-killing comrades that makes level-headed persons universally and unanimously want to slap both their individual shits and collective shit. It’s that voice that sounds like a frustrated cow trying desperately to untie her udders after a group of local boys decided to practice sailing knots on nearby cattle. It’s her utter (not intentional) inability to write lyrics beyond the scope of her archetypical pre-weekend experiences, the sequence in which days go, and the relatable societal concern of seat-based indecision. Meanwhile lyricists starve and get single digit playcounts on Soundcloud (speaking of which, http://soundcloud.com/crym/sets/off-the-spectrum). I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell do not need lessons on the order of days from some chick who probably got her first period the week before recording that song.
That’s about all I can handle for now without developing a rage-induced ulcer, but I’ll be back with more rants and laments toward the current state of popular culture. Maybe I’ll make it a regular thing, who knows. Stay classy, fam (I’m allowed to say “fam”, right?).
P.S. I’d like to add that the ARK Music Factory is indeed a factory in every sense of the word, except that only white people work in it. Still, the label contains ghoulish incarnations of Upton Sinclair’s nightmares all the same.
So Egypt had all these protests and the people told Mubarak
And then the people of Libya got the idea of freedom so they were like
But Ghaddafi didn’t think they were gonna do it because he was living like
But then they started actually attacking his places and he was like
Then when his army started defecting and taking weapons Ghaddafi was like
In the meantime America and Europe was all
Then the rebels started feeling themselves and Garfinelfunk was all like
And then started bombing the shit out of them and all the white folks were like
But gas started going up so Americans were all like
Since the rebels asked for our help and earlier we were all
We told them we were FINALLY coming to their aid so Gabootypopper was like
and then he was talking all types of ish about he this was gonna end up like
But then he agree to a ceasefire and we just was like
and bombed him anyways and enacted a no-fly zone and told him
I saw this hilariously dumb ass article on CNN. Now I know they are trying to not be biased, but come the fuck on now son. No one is shooting first at white folks because of stereotypes. They aren’t getting locked up at higher rates than their population numbers suggest, they aren’t treated badly due to stereotypes, they aren’t passed over for jobs because of skin color, none of that shit. NONE OF THAT SHIT HAPPENS TO WHITE PEOPLE.
When white people get crosses burned in their yard, let me fucking know.
Just the thought of this shit has me heated. I only can express my feelings right now with this GIF.
I just think this is just a different manifestation of racism, since the whole burning crosses and wearing sheets thing is unpopular now. So now instead they go for this “but WE are the victims! Yes, us, with all of our social privileges and benefits are victims!”
Yeah white people, you are oppressed here in the US. The black man for too long has had his boot on the neck of the white man.
Come the fuck on people.
Rush Limbaugh, known for recently attacking Michelle Obama for (GASP!) telling people in the midst of an obesity epidemic that we need to start eating healthier, giving suggestions for healthier eating ,and for schools to CONSIDER adopting healthier school lunches. SO of course his natural racist reaction is to say she is a socialist, community organizer, and probably a Martian. After being trashed for being a prick, which is nothing new, he then comes out and says this bullshit here:
“Some people are suggesting that my comments were below the belt,” Limbaugh said. “Well, take a look at some pictures. Given where she wears her belts, I mean she wears them high up there around the bust line. Isn’t just about everything about her below the belt when you look at the fashion sense she has?”
Soooo, you fat no tie wearing sexually harassing bastard has a modicum of women’s fashion sense eh? Then explain this picture of your Republican darling Sarah Palin AND her daughter.
Get the fuck outta here son.