Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

Random Thoughts

Kim Kardashian Hate: Justified or Not?

As most of the Twittersphere is aware of, Kim K. got ran through bustdown engaged yesterday to some random dude who plays on the New Jersey Nets proposed with a 20.5 carat 2 million dollar ring. Of course, this got people who spend too much time worried about people who they don’t even know all up in arms and at least 20 to 30 millions panties got collectively in a bunch. All types of shade and slander were thrown, wonder why a woman like her, whose coochie is pretty much given to any athlete as soon as they sign a contract like a the air freshener on a rear-view mirror when you buy a car, is deserving of a ring that damn big or even marriage. Like one tweet I saw, “2 million is a lot to pay for a cow when all of pro sports got the milk for free”. But where does all this hate stem from? And why the hell does it even matter?

Ray J paid her in hot wings and a bus pass.

This post will be written in 2 parts. The nice, compassionate, understanding side, and the well…ummm, dumb side.

Nice guy first.

COMPASSION INCOMING!

I get it. I see the shade. You worked your ass off in college with that 4.0, went out in the world, got a good job, gave that corporate world glass ceiling a smooth ass uppercut and you are making it. You work hard, and play harder. Yet you are single. Not only are you single, but you always seem to get caught up with the douchebags, the no ambition ass guys. Kim K. however is famous and gets money for doing shit but being on her back for famous men and gets the world on a silver platter. I get it.

Kim K. reminds you of those women you have encountered in your life that have rode by on their looks and contribute nothing to the world, the one that you get looked over for either at work or in your personal life, and then after the fellas have had their fill, want to come running to you for some substance. I get that. It sucks. You worked hard fine-tuning your mind into a razor-sharp trap with books, studying, frequent trips to the museums, yet seemingly good men fall at the feet of a woman who can’t even take the time to learn how to give a good blowjob.

Where’s your ring? You worked hard. You deserve it. That’s how you feel. Why should a woman whose most known for giving away the cooch to anyone have the world? Why should she rise to a higher level in life than you? How come if you were to do those same things, you would get nothing but negative attention? She’s superficial, she’s vain, and just not worthy. It’s all backwards, that’s what this world is. It’s misogynist, and fucked up. I get it. I feel you.

ASSHOLE SECTION AHEAD!

Harsh truth time. No one wants your bitter, uppity ass. Know why you are single? No man wants an angry woman. NONE. We get it, you worked hard. Guess what? So did I, and so did a lot of people out there who aren’t living that life. We aren’t bitter, and we aren’t worried about what the next person is doing. We are worried about being happy with what we got and focused on our OWN lives.

Guess what? You’re just as superficial as she is. If you think happiness comes in the form of a pro sports player and a 2 million dollar engagement ring, you are just as fucked mentally as she is. You’re degrees don’t mean shit with that kind of mentality, and that’s real.

This world doesn’t owe you shit. Get over it. You have bad relationships, probably because you chase men based upon what they have instead of who they are, and probably work off of appearances. Let me guess, he has to be 6’2″+, a certain skin color, a certain car, no kids, etc. You are looking for a dude that really doesn’t exist. You got this list and I bet ain’t one thing in there of substance. Get off that Disney ass Prince Charming fairytale. You let Santa go as a kid, let that shit go too.

Here’s another thing: I bet you like Khloe though. But here’s the dirty little secret, she’s JUST as bad as Kim. The main reason why you like her though is because she’s tall, awkward-looking, and not conventionally attractive. She is the physical embodiment of that awkward little girl inside of you from your high school days. She’s the ugly duckling that made it, that got her a baller. She’s that inner you, and that’s why you like her, why you sometimes live vicariously through her. She lets you know that you can have a face like Smegael and a body like Spongebob and still pull a rich guy.

Stop being so damn bitter and superficial. If you quantify love at any point in a relationship, you are already losing. Step your personality game up to the level of your work ethic and stop being worried about some other woman and her lifestyle.

-GT

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Where Are Our Action Stars?

For real. I need to know. Every generation has had some sort of American icon in movies, some hero, some dude that would kick ass, take names, shit on your cat, smash your girl, beat that one level you were stuck on, and make sure he did it all in a timely and efficient manner. From John Wayne to Bruce Willis, we have always had someone. Hell in the past 30 years, we have always had at least:

2 Americans (Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone)

2 Europeans (Jean-Claude & Arnold Schwarzenegger—>Jason Statham & Gerard Butler)

1 Asian (Bruce Lee–>Jackie Chan–>Jet Li–>Tony Jaa)

and at least 1 Black dude (Sydney Portier, Danny Glover, Wesley Snipes, Denzel Washington)

Gay arm wrestling?

But right now we have no Americans for real. Mark Wahlberg? Last action movie I enjoyed him in was The Big Hit (does The Other Guys count?), and that was a LONG time ago. Vin Diesel? Name 2 movies that were decent outside Fast and the Furious series…exactly. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? He’s more hilarious than anything. Watching wrestling has completely distorted me from taking him seriously ever. Tyrese? If you have followed him on Twitter for long than say, 5 minutes, you know why he’s out.  America is in a recession people, and it shows in our action movies. We are relying far too much on overseas talent to drive our movies. Gerard Butler and Jason Statham are in EVERYTHING. On top of that, anything involving out action heroes are never any new ideas, its always either:

a)based of a comic book

b)a sequel of a sequel of a prequel

2 shit birds with one crap ass boulder.

Where is the originality? The creativity?

It’s Gone.

I guess people are too busy on Facebook and being entertained by these:

– GT


Let’s Play A Game: Olde English Translations

Alright, so if you have read this site for any measure of time, I love internet memes and random ass GIF files that make me laugh. My favorite one right now though is this guy, Joseph Ducreux.

First off, this picture is hilarious as fuck without captions. Its at least 5000 niggas posing like this in pictures at the club every night, so to show that dudes was doing it in portraits 300 years ago makes it 100 times funnier. Now let’s introduce some memes based on this picture. Thanks to Meme Generator I can put my own captions. Let’s start with mines, shall we?

I think I’m pretty goddamn hilarious.

But lets play a game. I’m going to throw up a shitload of these and I want you to see how many of these you can guess what song or the original phrase this is from.

GAME ON.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5. 

6. 

ENJOY.


20,000 Hits and Counting

Yeah, I’m hitting 20,000 hits today, so I guess that means someone out there likes my blog. That means I definitely need to write more. I have always wanted this blog to be light-hearted, yet serious, and foremost informative. I want people to think for themselves, to come to their own conclusions, and I wanted to have fun doing it. I’ve been busy with work, reflection, catching up on a LOT of book reading I’ve been neglecting for months, and of course, more work.

But I definitely need to keep writing. I have a lot of thoughts I want to share with the people, and some of you seem to care, so, in the words of the immortal George Carlin, “why the fuck not?”


Been Gone A Minute…TV I’m Watching

Sorry folks, been gone for a couple weeks. Work, school, more work, crazy ass family, clinicals, all that. So anyways, are any of you watching Archer?

That show is THE SHIT. The first season is on Netflix, and the second season is even funnier. So I would go watch it right now.

New content coming back soon!

Stay tuned folks.


Rebecca Black- Harbinger of the Culturepocalypse

Now before you all roll your eyes at the sight of yet another unimportant member of the general public expressing rage toward an 8th grade girl who became famous singing about a certain day of the week I have come to dread, allow me to assure you, I’m better than the others. That being said, I’d like to take this time to break down the toxic, corrosive presence embodied in talentless teen Rebecca Black.

Oh, she'll be "kickin" all right

Referring to the title, I truly believe we may be facing the end of American popular culture as a whole. Now it’s not Black’s fault completely. Justin Bieber, Twilight, Soulja Boy and the last decade of Disney productions (namely Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers and other subhumans manufactured by the profit-and-youth-consuming legacy of Walt’s frozen head) did most of the leg work. Consider Rebecca Black the straw that broke the camel’s back. But instead of a camel, it’s my shreds of hope for humanity and instead of a straw, it’s a Rebecca Black sandwich with sparkly, auto-tuned camel shit for bread. You see, America’s standard of quality that media needs meet in order to achieve popularity has plummeted, making so people like Bieber and Black can have millions of plays on YouTube in a week and Michael Bay’s Transformers are taken seriously as works of cinema.

In other words, it seems as though to be enormously popular, a piece of media must be:

1) Completely devoid of balls. Disney creations and Rebecca Black are no-brainers for this criterion, while films like Hop and Diary of a Wimpy Kid and shows like iCarly and whatever’s on Cartoon Network nowadays (I can’t risk actually checking or i may slip into a blind, tv-destroying fury followed by a deep depression) might have slid under your sacklessness radar riding on the “kontent 4 kidz!!!” excuse. But even this children’s programming has fewer bpm (balls per minute) than their counterparts of yesteryear. Consider Hey Arnold. That show was real as all fuck- bunch of misfit kids in Brooklyn, some minority tensions, muggers, real shit. Now look what Nickelodeon’s become:

Horrifying.

2) Superbly annoying. There’s just something about Rebecca Black and her culture-killing comrades that makes level-headed persons universally and unanimously want to slap both their individual shits and collective shit. It’s that voice that sounds like a frustrated cow trying desperately to untie her udders after a group of local boys decided to practice sailing knots on nearby cattle. It’s her utter (not intentional) inability to write lyrics beyond the scope of her archetypical pre-weekend experiences, the sequence in which days go, and the relatable societal concern of seat-based indecision. Meanwhile lyricists starve and get single digit playcounts on Soundcloud (speaking of which, http://soundcloud.com/crym/sets/off-the-spectrum). I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell do not need lessons on the order of days from some chick who probably got her first period the week before recording that song.

Inability to choose a seat- latest updated symptom of autism?

That’s about all I can handle for now without developing a rage-induced ulcer, but I’ll be back with more rants and laments toward the current state of popular culture. Maybe I’ll make it a regular thing, who knows. Stay classy, fam (I’m allowed to say “fam”, right?).

-CRYM

P.S. I’d like to add that the ARK Music Factory is indeed a factory in every sense of the word, except that only white people work in it. Still, the label contains ghoulish incarnations of Upton Sinclair’s nightmares all the same.


Thursday and Youtube: Well Damn…

So, I was going write out this whole long ass blog post about Facebook etiquette and dudes being thirsty on women’s walls and pictures, and even tagging them in gay ass bathroom model pics, but that shit can wait. I discovered what could possibly be the funniest song of all time, “Colonic” by Tony Roberts, and then this Nah Son! fuckery @starchildluke and @softjunebreeze sent me.

Shits are hilarious though.

Also, since I have tomorrow off, you may or may not get a blog post from me. I wouldn’t bet on it though. I’m lazy.

Any of my readers out there know of any other silly ass fuckery that I might enjoy?