Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

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Been Gone A Minute…TV I’m Watching

Sorry folks, been gone for a couple weeks. Work, school, more work, crazy ass family, clinicals, all that. So anyways, are any of you watching Archer?

That show is THE SHIT. The first season is on Netflix, and the second season is even funnier. So I would go watch it right now.

New content coming back soon!

Stay tuned folks.

Rebecca Black- Harbinger of the Culturepocalypse

Now before you all roll your eyes at the sight of yet another unimportant member of the general public expressing rage toward an 8th grade girl who became famous singing about a certain day of the week I have come to dread, allow me to assure you, I’m better than the others. That being said, I’d like to take this time to break down the toxic, corrosive presence embodied in talentless teen Rebecca Black.

Oh, she'll be "kickin" all right

Referring to the title, I truly believe we may be facing the end of American popular culture as a whole. Now it’s not Black’s fault completely. Justin Bieber, Twilight, Soulja Boy and the last decade of Disney productions (namely Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers and other subhumans manufactured by the profit-and-youth-consuming legacy of Walt’s frozen head) did most of the leg work. Consider Rebecca Black the straw that broke the camel’s back. But instead of a camel, it’s my shreds of hope for humanity and instead of a straw, it’s a Rebecca Black sandwich with sparkly, auto-tuned camel shit for bread. You see, America’s standard of quality that media needs meet in order to achieve popularity has plummeted, making so people like Bieber and Black can have millions of plays on YouTube in a week and Michael Bay’s Transformers are taken seriously as works of cinema.

In other words, it seems as though to be enormously popular, a piece of media must be:

1) Completely devoid of balls. Disney creations and Rebecca Black are no-brainers for this criterion, while films like Hop and Diary of a Wimpy Kid and shows like iCarly and whatever’s on Cartoon Network nowadays (I can’t risk actually checking or i may slip into a blind, tv-destroying fury followed by a deep depression) might have slid under your sacklessness radar riding on the “kontent 4 kidz!!!” excuse. But even this children’s programming has fewer bpm (balls per minute) than their counterparts of yesteryear. Consider Hey Arnold. That show was real as all fuck- bunch of misfit kids in Brooklyn, some minority tensions, muggers, real shit. Now look what Nickelodeon’s become:

Horrifying.

2) Superbly annoying. There’s just something about Rebecca Black and her culture-killing comrades that makes level-headed persons universally and unanimously want to slap both their individual shits and collective shit. It’s that voice that sounds like a frustrated cow trying desperately to untie her udders after a group of local boys decided to practice sailing knots on nearby cattle. It’s her utter (not intentional) inability to write lyrics beyond the scope of her archetypical pre-weekend experiences, the sequence in which days go, and the relatable societal concern of seat-based indecision. Meanwhile lyricists starve and get single digit playcounts on Soundcloud (speaking of which, http://soundcloud.com/crym/sets/off-the-spectrum). I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell do not need lessons on the order of days from some chick who probably got her first period the week before recording that song.

Inability to choose a seat- latest updated symptom of autism?

That’s about all I can handle for now without developing a rage-induced ulcer, but I’ll be back with more rants and laments toward the current state of popular culture. Maybe I’ll make it a regular thing, who knows. Stay classy, fam (I’m allowed to say “fam”, right?).

-CRYM

P.S. I’d like to add that the ARK Music Factory is indeed a factory in every sense of the word, except that only white people work in it. Still, the label contains ghoulish incarnations of Upton Sinclair’s nightmares all the same.

Movies For The Summer

Summer movie time is coming upon us, so I’m breaking down the movies that I’m looking forward to this summer.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

July 1st

I was half-happy, half-pissed off at this trailer. I mean, it let me know the movie was coming out this summer, but this trailer didn’t show me SHIT. I got geeked as all hell, then I had the O_0 face all day afterwards.

Thor

May 6th

This movie looks good. My favorite part about it is they have a black guy that’s playing as one of the Norse Gods, which is mkaing all the racist white folks angry as all hell, which brings me endless entertainment.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

May 20th

Never seen any of these movies, but I know a lot of people are excited about Johnny Depp and all that shit. I have personal reasons for never seeing any of them.

X-Men: First Class

June 3rd

It’s a X-Men movie, so this shit is hype. At least it should be. I know a few people were disappointed with the 3rd one and with Wolverine Origins movie, but I loved both of them.  This one should be good.

The Hangover Part II

May 26th

Never saw the first one. Oh, for fucks sake, unclutch your pearls. A lot of you haven’t seen The Other Guys, which had to be the funniest movie of 2010. Don’t think The Other Guys is funny? Watch this shit and I dare you not to laugh:

Shit is hilarious.

Green Lantern

June 17th

A lot of people are saying this movie doesn’t look good, but kiss my ass. It’s got Ryan Reynolds in it, and he’s hilarious as fuck.  So the movie is going to at least be decent.

Captain America: The First Avenger

July 22nd

Another Marvel movie. Yeah, okay, this summer MAY be a little over-saturated with Marvel heroes. BUT this year BETTER be a setup for an Avenger movie. I mean, they had Nick Fury in the Iron Man 2 movie, chances are he’s going to be in Captain America, so I’m trying to see THAT damn movie right there. It could be just them dudes standing around talking about going to the club and I would go see it.

TWICE.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

July 1st

Yeah, kiss my ass. Transformers is the shit. And the commercial during the Super Bowl is what had me hyped up. It was 30 seconds of the shit-ness. I’m still hyped. I will be seeing this movie at least 3 times.

Transformers. Is.

THE SHIT SON.

So what movies are you looking forward to this summer?

Thursday and Youtube: Well Damn…

So, I was going write out this whole long ass blog post about Facebook etiquette and dudes being thirsty on women’s walls and pictures, and even tagging them in gay ass bathroom model pics, but that shit can wait. I discovered what could possibly be the funniest song of all time, “Colonic” by Tony Roberts, and then this Nah Son! fuckery @starchildluke and @softjunebreeze sent me.

Shits are hilarious though.

Also, since I have tomorrow off, you may or may not get a blog post from me. I wouldn’t bet on it though. I’m lazy.

Any of my readers out there know of any other silly ass fuckery that I might enjoy?

Sit Your Hypersensitive Ass Down In The Corner

So, I had an argument on Twitter. Big surprise. Here’s the twist. I was called a sexist/misogynist/dude that hates black women at the end of it. Why? Because I said this:

I personally dont fuck with chicks that have weaves & lace fronts. Never met a smart chick with them so…

That’s what I said.

Now to my readers familiar with logic, what we have there is a conditional statement. The two conditions are:

A. They are rocking a weave or lace front.

B. I have met them in person. (i.e. been out with them in a social setting, conversed with them about various subjects, etc.)

If those 2 conditions are true, then I consider them not smart.

Not smart you say?

Yes, that’s what I said.

Now, maybe your definition of smart is the nigga that can add up how much of a tip to leave in their head just by looking at the bill, but my criteria is quite a bit higher, considering I’m a certified genius and all. I consider very few people that most think are smart as such. Smart is a subjective word, and is subject to the speaker and their frame of reference.

Then the lovely @MzTamz responded with this:

i think that is in poor taste and we are probably in a different social class. doesnt mean shes stupid.

Also, when the fuck did “not smart” turn into “dumb”? There is a HUGE grey area between the two.

apparently there is a hookah lounge there too.

Now on to the hypersensitive ass women that jumped on my back. Now women, and especially black women, I understand that it feels like sometimes the world hates you. Dudes don’t want to respond on dating sites to you, you get paid less for doing the same job as men, portrayed as the “Angry Black Woman” in media, all sorts of negative ish too numerous to mention in this article, and hell, deserves an article in itself. I understand this, I know this, but how is saying this:

“I don’t date women with weaves and lace fronts because all of the ones I have met have intelligence levels ranging from above average to dumb as hell, and I want a woman I consider smart.”

different from

“I personally dont fuck with chicks that have weaves & lace fronts. Never met a smart chick with them so…”

Absolutely nothing.

At all.

But I was told these statements, again from the beautiful @MzTamz:

I still disagree. I think ur language is off.

&

same with referring to women as hoes and what not. but we are not on the same page at all because it is demeaning. whether you mean it to be or not. thats how it is dangerous.

Same logical statement with the same conditions. The “problem” was with how I said it. Oh, so I’m supposed to protect the feelings of a whole bunch of people I have never met eh?

And when did I EVEN refer to all women as hoes? Oh wait, I didn’t.

SHUT MY SITE DOWN! AS I APPARENTLY CANNOT HAVE AN OPINION THAT OFFENDS OTHERS! IT’S A WRAP PEOPLE!

Get all the way the fuck out of here with that noise.

Then I made a tweet that said this:

Plus I call lace fronts “hoe helmets”. Call me elitist, whatever, but hoes and ratchets love em. Not my fault.

Hold on, but here’s the kicker. I was told this little gem by @MzTamz

NO i am saying that you referred to lace fronts as hoe helmets and that hoes and ratchets wear them. then you said ppl who wear them are not smart. This is not that difficult. YOU are the one being offensive.

Now check it. She never actually said what I was saying isn’t true, just that I was “offensive” for pointing out such things. Oh okay, so there was no real argument there except they wanted me to conform my language so that it was pleasing to them.

No what I would like? For the bank to conform their accounting practice to make more errors in my favor in my account. Guess what? Ain’t happening.

Then there was this exchange by myself and the ravishing @MzTamz

Stereotyping is never ok. but ok RT @theblackmurse: MzTamz –its not my fault for including you in a group that’s known for certain things.

REALLY?

REALLY?

REALLY SON?

Apparently son. I guess it’s cool though if she turns down any guy for any reason ever due to a choice he consciously made. I wasn’t choosing these women because they were black, or downing them because they were woman, but because of, now pay attention to this part, OF A CONSCIOUS CHOICE THEY MADE. It is perfectly okay to discriminate on those grounds. We all, both man and woman, adult and child, black and white, do this EVERY DAMN DAY. That’s why we don’t loan money to crackheads, why we don’t want to sit next to the really fat person if we don’t have to, why we give the white dude with the sheet, hood, and confederate flag belt buckle the O_o. It’s because of life experience has taught us this.

Life experience.

Which is personal and anecdotal.

Which she tried to tell me was wrong.

Do you honestly know what it would take to prove her case? She would have to know EVERY woman I have come into contact with since I have been dating, and considering she hasn’t met me in my life, I’m pretty sure that establishes her argument as bullshit.

Then when that failed, she (@MzTamz) jumped straight to the “YOU ARE A HATEFUL SEXIST” with these two remarks:

The point is that your language is harmful. I said it was dangerous cause I assumed you werent hateful. But you are

&

you are missing the point. you dont have to say “all women”

Her argument basically boiled down to “You say offensive things and don’t care, but you implied by talking about one subset of people who make a conscious choice aren’t smart, you are REALLY saying all human beings with a vagina are dumb.”

WTF.

If I thought that, I would have said it.

Plus, and here is a very important thing, if you are going to call someone a sexist, you want to at least make sure of this one thing:

THAT THEY DIDN’T WRITE A BLOG POST ABOUT HOW SEXISM IS FUCKED UP LESS THAN 2 HOURS AGO.

Just saying.

So please, don’t be the reactionary that plays the race card or the gender card without doing your due diligence on the person you are accused of talking about. It’s a bad look. It’s like the dude in the barber shop that proclaims “If the NBA gives the MVP to Kobe instead of Derrick Rose they are racist!” You aren’t really thinking your position through and only trying to discredit the other person through loaded and virulent language, not by actually arguing what they have to say.

Also what’s with all the faux concern about who I put my penis in? You can’t call me thirsty in one sentence while being concerned about the goings-on of my penis.

Finally, don’t do all that subtweeting with the lies and all that. “@ me or dap me” that’s what all the cool kids are saying now right? Do that. I also sincerely hope all of those women who think stereotyping is never ok give that guy with the face and neck tattoos and a rap sheet for domestic violence their number, because hey, you can’t make judgement calls off of life experience. 😉

But when it’s all said and done, I got love for all women, even the hotheaded and irrational ones. I feel your pain, but calm all that hypersensitive ish down. So if you still got beef or whatever, let it go, because guess what?

 

It’s just Twitter, folks.

Hood Sexism: Really Son?

Last week on Twitter this guy @MoeScoe was showing off this new t-shirt he designed to a lady, @secretaddy. The t-shirt was this:

There are all types of shit wrong with this, which the creator clearly didn’t see. His responses were even more comical Let me just show you some of the responses to the complaints about his shirt:

@secretaddy u are too tight relax damn, its just a metahpor, we dont actually drag girls like that, damn, its not u being dragged. relax

@secretaddy ok u taking this too far, just shut up. damn! have u consider that fact that some pple like to be handled that way??? lol

and

@secretaddy thus wats wrong with pple these days, just jump into conclusion, u went too far with this shit, disappointed in you.fuck!

You know, once upon a time, I used to wonder what exact women meant by misogyny, but this right here hits me as plain as day. What he failed to realize is that the shirt can be interpreted to advocate rape. Then it has the word “bully” in it. The definition of bully in the Merriam-Websters is:

–noun

1. 

a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habituallybadgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
2. 

Archaic . a man hired to do violence.
–verb (used with object)
6. 

to act the bully toward; intimidate; domineer.
So a “bedroom bully” is someone who intimidates and provokes fear inside the bedroom, and the image is of a man dragging a woman into a bedroom. That looks a lot like rape to me. Plus if that’s the FIRST interpretation that even a small percentage of your market comes away with, you may want to rethink your shirt. Unless of course, you plan on selling to to other ignorant ass niggas who also don’t know any better.
I think what really bothered me was this statement though:

@secretaddy u are too tight relax damn, its just a metahpor, we dont actually drag girls like that, damn, its not u being dragged. relax

He told her not to worry, because it wasn’t her being dragged.

Oh ok.

So women should be cool with other women being dragged into the bedroom and bullied into sex (remember: bullying implies its unwanted, because if its wanted, it ain’t bullying folks) as long as it ain’t them. Let’s take this logic further. You should be okay with gang violence and children getting shot in the street, as long as it ain’t your kids. Be cool with houses being burglarized, as long as it isn’t your house.

WTF.

Sexism like this has to stop. It’s ignorant, it’s abrasive, and it’s just plain dumb. When 1 in 6 women have been a victim of an attempted or completed rape, this kind of blatant “metaphor” shirt just speaks volumes of how little we take things seriously in the black community. It’s downright deplorable.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

Music Monday: March 28th, 2011

Jesse Boykins III | Prototype 3010, a short film from LightUp Film on Vimeo.

Look, I got a paper I have to write, so I’m just gonna drop this off here and tell you to enjoy. It’s a cover  of Andre 3K’s “Prototype” by Jesse Boykins III. It’s long, but soulful as hell, and the ending has a few surprises.

Also, I need my hair to get on that Jesse Boykins III status, for real.

Full featured post coming tomorrow.

EDIT: I found the mp3 out there for all of you, because I’m such a nice guy download by right-clicking and choose “Save As”.

Jesse Boykins III “Prototype 3010”