You talk to a woman, get to know a woman, find out she has a
dude she’s fuckin guy she’s “talking” to boyfriend, or she’s single but not interested then ends up with a boyfriend down the line. Ok, cool. You know your position now. No problem. You exchange numbers, have cordial conversations every now and again. You see each other at public gatherings and converse. Everything is swell.
Then you get this text message:
So, can I borrow like 200 dollars to get my A/C fixed?
I’m not your man. Sorry.
Ladies, there are certain things you just cannot ask of your male friends while you have a guy. They are:
- Job hookups for Him
- Emotional Comfort
There are rules to the game of life, and one you must remember is:
“Whoever is pleasing the pussy must also provide for it”
Point blank period.
The dude you laying next to, those are his responsibilities. You out here sucking his dick every night, but he can’t keep the lights on in your house? No bueno. That means you need to change your priorities up in the kind of men you are dating. It is up to HIM to get that money, be it overtime at work, hitting that corner, selling some dick to lonely obese housewives, asking his peoples, whatever. Your responsibility goes as far as either getting it YOURSELF, from your man, or your female friends. Why do you ask is the game like this?
1. It’s His Responsibility
It really is though. His woman wants or needs, it’s up to him to provide, not for some other man to supplement what he is lacking. Because at the end of the day, if she is getting down on her knees to please you every night, the least you can do is to put in some effort during these times to keep things smoothly. If he can’t handle that responsibility and it has you running to everyone but him when problems arise, it might be time for you to get a new guy.
2. It’s Disrespectful
Men are prideful people, so to ask another man for something instead of letting your man figure it out is tantamount to saying “You aren’t man enough to handle this problem, so I’m going to go to a real one who can.” No real man is having that shit, and can cause potential friction between your guy friend and your current beau. Also, any guy that you are dating that DOESN’T care that another man is taking care of your needs, is NOT a real man. Not now, not ever. Also, its disrespectful to the friend as well. What man do you know thinks its okay to take his money and then lay up with another man with it? I don’t know any. It’s basically saying, “Hey, you are good as my personal ATM/shoulder to cry on/chef, but not good enough to be anything romantically related.” Yeah, fuck that noise.
3. It’s Not My Pussy To Worry About
It just isn’t. I have my own bills and my own concerns, to which most of them I get something in return out of. I pay my cell phone bill, so I get in return cell phone service. I pay the light bill, I get lights and electricity. But what do I get in return for this work/money I give her? An “Aww, thanks” and that’s it. Then what does her guy get? The pussy I’m currently paying for. Fuck that. I’m not about to pay for someone else to reap the benefits of my work. Nah son, not me. When you date someone, they provide it all, mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, all that. If he can’t do it, I’m damn sure not about to pay for your bad decision-making. If you are with a man and all he has is the physical aspect down pat, then shit, you need to work with that. If you want more, you need to drop him and go out and get someone who can get more. But know this, if I’m fronting 27% of the money coming into your household this week, I’m gonna want 27% of the blowjobs and sex that you are providing. I mean, it’s only fair right? If I’m gonna be up until 5 am having a woman crying on my shoulder, she damn sure better be a childhood friend or single, because I’m not about to lift your mood just so another guy can lift your skirt.
Know thy role ladies: if you have a man, let him take care of you. If he can’t or is unwilling to, you should take this as an opportunity to re-evaluate your relationship and what you are looking for in a man.
This is going to be a list of shit that people need to get kicked off the fucking internet for. Like no bullshit kicked off the internet, or at least any type of social media.
Taking pictures of your baby laying in your tax refund money
Oh so you balling now huh? Then why were you only drinking water at the bar last month and your car still sitting on a flat at your cousin’s house since last summer? This shit is the height of ignorance, and don’t worry, I’m gonna save that picture, so next time you talk about how you are too broke to do something, I’ll make sure to pull up the picture and ask about your baller status and why your baby doesn’t have any new clothes since that picture.
Not knowing the difference between there, their, and they’re (and related spelling errors)
Now I understand that some of you didn’t have parents who loved you and cared enough to make sure you write and speak proper English, but you are grown now, probably with kids on your own. It would behoove you for the sake of your kids to not make these spelling errors. Get a 4th grade workbook, take the GED for fun (or because you really need to pass it), and bone up on your grammar. You are embarrassing to know right now.
Inbox or DM people religious scriptures to people you know don’t believe in your religion
Look, good for you that your particular brand of fairy tales gives you life in the morning, and that without it you wouldn’t know what to do, but when you KNOW that the person you are messaging has no interest in your particular brand of crazy, and you do it anyways, you are just being a prick. Unless being a pretentious douche is a tenet of your religion, then cut that shit out. All you are going to do is make them resort to logic to destroy your beliefs and for you to get all defensive and go pray/bow/Kristna dance about it later on. Don’t be an internet Jehovah’s Witness, because everyone hates them.
Put up pictures at Myspace angles because you are fat as shit
You know who the fuck you are. Never taking pictures below the bra line or cropping the shit out of pictures. You’re fat. Own that shit. If you don’t want to own that shit, then you better own a bike, a treadmill, or a gym membership. These dudes you are talking to that you are flirting with are going to want to meet you eventually, and no one likes being deceived. If you have any pics like this:
I’m gonna need to to get the fuck off the internet and get the fuck on a diet.
After reading this story, I wonder what the hell would possess a person to see a train coming, a train which weighs about 100,000 fucking tons, and go, “yeah this would be a peachy keen time to walk across the tracks. Yeah I know the warning gate is down and the lights are flashing, and the train is like 12 feet away, but fuck it, why not?” I then realized the white people have no natural fear whatsoever. They don’t have to worry about the police whipping their ass at random, about drive-bys, gang fights, none of that. Just the occasional meth lab blowing up or priest touching their penis after service. Besides that, no fear.
Seriously. I can’t count how many times I’m driving anywhere and I see white people just stroll across busy intersections like they are superheroes or some shit. White people don’t have fear so they have to go bungee jumping or skydiving or in the Amazon fucking looking for the deadliest snakes or get stabbed in the chest by stingrays. It’s ridiculous. It stems from white privilege. Now I’m not a man who likes to complain, I’m a man of solutions, so here’s some ideas I have been kicking around.
Assign a black person to randomly fuck with you. Once a year they just show up randomly and fuck something of yours up in front of you. Twice a year they chase you down the street, four times a year they slap you in the back of the head, and once a month they give you a harassing phone call or slash your tires while you are at the mall. They won’t tell you when they are coming or what time this happens. It just will. You know it and they know. It’s unpredictable as the police shooting a black man for his wallet. It’s fear.
For the kids we can stage mock drive-bys where a gang of people drive by firing blanks at the kids while they wait for the school bus. That’ll put a fire in their ass, some shit in their underwear, and most importantly, fear in their hearts.
For all the people who like to get their Starbucks fix in the morning, there will be a black guy that stands right by the door, and once a day he will pick someone at random as they are trying to leave and smack their coffee out their hand. Not only is that hilarious for me, but it serves its purpose.
Also a really good idea is to have a random just slap the living fuck out of your hood while you are at a stop light. That will make you nervous for at LEAST the next hour, I promise you.
Oh, and every time some wanna-be rebel activist yells at the police, they automatically have the right to whip their legs like Rick James.
These are my solutions. If you have any others feel free to put them in the comments below.