As most of the Twittersphere is aware of, Kim K. got
ran through bustdown engaged yesterday to some random dude who plays on the New Jersey Nets proposed with a 20.5 carat 2 million dollar ring. Of course, this got people who spend too much time worried about people who they don’t even know all up in arms and at least 20 to 30 millions panties got collectively in a bunch. All types of shade and slander were thrown, wonder why a woman like her, whose coochie is pretty much given to any athlete as soon as they sign a contract like a the air freshener on a rear-view mirror when you buy a car, is deserving of a ring that damn big or even marriage. Like one tweet I saw, “2 million is a lot to pay for a cow when all of pro sports got the milk for free”. But where does all this hate stem from? And why the hell does it even matter?
This post will be written in 2 parts. The nice, compassionate, understanding side, and the well…ummm, dumb side.
Nice guy first.
I get it. I see the shade. You worked your ass off in college with that 4.0, went out in the world, got a good job, gave that corporate world glass ceiling a smooth ass uppercut and you are making it. You work hard, and play harder. Yet you are single. Not only are you single, but you always seem to get caught up with the douchebags, the no ambition ass guys. Kim K. however is famous and gets money for doing shit but being on her back for famous men and gets the world on a silver platter. I get it.
Kim K. reminds you of those women you have encountered in your life that have rode by on their looks and contribute nothing to the world, the one that you get looked over for either at work or in your personal life, and then after the fellas have had their fill, want to come running to you for some substance. I get that. It sucks. You worked hard fine-tuning your mind into a razor-sharp trap with books, studying, frequent trips to the museums, yet seemingly good men fall at the feet of a woman who can’t even take the time to learn how to give a good blowjob.
Where’s your ring? You worked hard. You deserve it. That’s how you feel. Why should a woman whose most known for giving away the cooch to anyone have the world? Why should she rise to a higher level in life than you? How come if you were to do those same things, you would get nothing but negative attention? She’s superficial, she’s vain, and just not worthy. It’s all backwards, that’s what this world is. It’s misogynist, and fucked up. I get it. I feel you.
ASSHOLE SECTION AHEAD!
Harsh truth time. No one wants your bitter, uppity ass. Know why you are single? No man wants an angry woman. NONE. We get it, you worked hard. Guess what? So did I, and so did a lot of people out there who aren’t living that life. We aren’t bitter, and we aren’t worried about what the next person is doing. We are worried about being happy with what we got and focused on our OWN lives.
Guess what? You’re just as superficial as she is. If you think happiness comes in the form of a pro sports player and a 2 million dollar engagement ring, you are just as fucked mentally as she is. You’re degrees don’t mean shit with that kind of mentality, and that’s real.
This world doesn’t owe you shit. Get over it. You have bad relationships, probably because you chase men based upon what they have instead of who they are, and probably work off of appearances. Let me guess, he has to be 6’2″+, a certain skin color, a certain car, no kids, etc. You are looking for a dude that really doesn’t exist. You got this list and I bet ain’t one thing in there of substance. Get off that Disney ass Prince Charming fairytale. You let Santa go as a kid, let that shit go too.
Here’s another thing: I bet you like Khloe though. But here’s the dirty little secret, she’s JUST as bad as Kim. The main reason why you like her though is because she’s tall, awkward-looking, and not conventionally attractive. She is the physical embodiment of that awkward little girl inside of you from your high school days. She’s the ugly duckling that made it, that got her a baller. She’s that inner you, and that’s why you like her, why you sometimes live vicariously through her. She lets you know that you can have a face like Smegael and a body like Spongebob and still pull a rich guy.
Stop being so damn bitter and superficial. If you quantify love at any point in a relationship, you are already losing. Step your personality game up to the level of your work ethic and stop being worried about some other woman and her lifestyle.
Now, you might think I’m about to start telling women how to cook., but I’m not. Lord knows some of you need to learn in 2011 with all this “eating out” shit and then expecting my black ass to pay for it, but nah, this is about men cooking for women. Now some of you dudes out there ain’t going, for one reason or another, be it because your wack ass moms didn’t teach you because she was too busy shaking her ass at the club and left you at home with a box of Hot Pockets, or you are saving that shit for marriage or until unless she is doing anal, whatever. Point is, cooking is the shit, it’s easy, and if you haven’t hit it yet, it boosts your chances of it by at least 50%. Women love that shit, and I’m gonna tell you why.
1. Women love a free meal.
They do. They really do. You will be hard-pressed to find a woman bored on a Friday night that is going to turn down a free meal from a man, regardless on whether she is interested in fucking him tonight, tomorrow, or ever. That disfigured munchkin from 300 can walk into a room of single ladies and say, “Dinner at Red Lobster, my treat!” and damn near every woman in there will be down to go. Why? Because that’s one less meal they have to pay for, and they can take that money and add it to the shoe/club/birth control fund. Also they get taken out, get to dress up and look pretty, and if they are going out with a guy they aren’t interested in, it gives them a chance to scope out other dudes to talk to.
2. Women Like Being Catered To
Women love it when a man rubs their feet, massages their back, and generally does anything that they usually had to do for a man. She’s tired of having to rub the back of some unemployed dude who says, “he had a long day,” when all he did was sit up at his boy’s house playing Madden 11. She wants someone to do for her, and cooking is a easy way to do that, because you aren’t just doing for her, your ass gets to eat too. But she doesn’t see it that way. She sees it as purely done for her.
3. It’s Cheap
Now if you are one of those dudes who think that taking a chick to get a Value Meal at McDonalds counts as a special night, then this isn’t for you in the first place. We don’t cook for hoodrats, sir. Now for the men who like taking them out to places where the bill will be $30 and up, this is for you. Now why spend all that money at Red Lobster for cheddar biscuits when you can make them at home for 1/5th the price? Plus, a bedroom shouldn’t be far, so if things are going really well, she doesn’t have time to think things over about whether she wants to sleep with you.
Men, start cooking for these women, and even throw in a foot massage for extra credit as long as her feet don’t look like eagle talons. That’s definitely a proper way to seal a deal.